I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize