will power is for people who don't want to get laid
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
