Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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