I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
