I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
