Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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