Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
