I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
