He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
