How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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