There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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