Don't make out with my wife yet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She bit a glass in half.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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