There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
