I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize