**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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