If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
