When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
