a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
