Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you never un-have a 4some
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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