Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
