I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
