.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
