Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
