Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
