I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
