Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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