just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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