i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
