Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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