I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
