Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
