Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
