he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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