Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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