I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
