He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
