Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
