The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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