dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
