I wish I could teleport
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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