OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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