I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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