Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
