i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
