grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
