can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
