just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
