apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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