I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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