Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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