just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
Randomize
