There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
