dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
