would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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