The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
