I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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