we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
