Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
