Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
