this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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