don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
