You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
