Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
