He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
