yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
