He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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