is your mom at the bar?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think weed is turning my hair brown
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
