When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
