Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
