She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
