he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
