Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize