You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need to calm my uterus...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
