ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
