beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
