Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I touched a dick in church today
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
