i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
