come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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