I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
