he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
