i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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