i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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