i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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