think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
