jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
