Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize