It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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