I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
