just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
